Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Time Trial Etiquette: Learn it, Live it, Love it!

It's that time of year when Indoor time trials are popping up and I like  'em.  Last year I was super fit coming from a good long season of cyclocross and my body remembered  very quickly how to handle the heat. This year is an entirely different Blue Plate Special.  I'm still walking around with an atrophied right quad and my fitness is well...  eh. Nonetheless I'm going and to THREE of them to be exact.  Even though my  goals have changed, I'm going there to give it my best effort, no excuses.  It's more about the social aspect now with it's main purpose in aiding me back to some strength and general fitness. Gone are the days when I would pout hours after because so- and- so beat me or I didn't hit the wattage  average I wanted.   A major injury will do that to you.  It puts everything into perspective and comparing and worrying about what everyone else can or is doing, is nothing but wasted energy.  

  Indoor TT-ing is a different beast all in it's own.  It's painful and even more exaggerated than the pain associated with cyclocross or even outdoor time trials. In CX, you are too busy paying attention to  avoiding  flipping ass over tea kettle on a tree root waiting to grab your wheel.  You don't have time to think about how awful you really feel. Your goal (ok, mine) is just to get though the laps while keeping everything intact.  The other thing
about TT-ing, is you are on display for others to witness your suffering. Just a sweating gerbil  who paid good money to pedal nowhere and not without someone heckling you standing  2 inches from your ear yelling with their beer breath on you.  There is no hiding and DNF's are taboo.  Frankly, unless you are having a myocardial infarction, you'll look like a complete ass, so avoid this route at all costs. Oh, and trust me, I've witnessed people dropping out in the middle of a heat because they "didn't feel good"  Lame.  Don't. Do. It.
This is not to say after 5 minutes of pedaling your though processes are telling you over and over and over again,  JUST STOP.
All you can hope for is the cable to your Computrainer to just explode or your rear tire blows at the next 12% grade.

I did a little search and I couldn't come up with any links to Indoor Time Trial Etiquette so I'm making up my own and since this is my blog,  I'm callin' it.

Lets  begin:

Obviously show up on time and then again, just show up because if you sign up and
then suddenly have stage fright because you  don't think you can  hold that 350 watts for  15 minutes you've been mouthing off about and smash everyone around you, then you just plain suck.  A Time Trial is not something you train for especially in the dead of winter and if your that competitive, you need to get a life.

moving on:

Get OFF the Computrainer so that the next heat can get their bike set up and ready
to go. We don't care that you want to warm down in your pond of sweat and smelly-ness. GET OFF and go cool down on a trainer. You can beat on your chest and talk it up over in the corner.
 In case you missed it: We don't care.  


This is not a fashion show folks. We don't care if you rode Postal with Lance the Liar.
Come dressed but leave your full kits at home. Its lame unless you are a walking billboard 
 holding full sponsorship and handing out flyers or Power Bars then we can talk.

And here's a fine example: Cort Cramer. Accomplished athlete. Serious wattage beast. Great coach.  I can kick his ASS in the swim but whatever...
Notice his gear. Unassuming and appropriate.   5 stars Cort. 
The rest of you?.... Follow suit. 

Another fine example.  Carmen Monks.  Has been doing Ironman
triathlons before I lost my first molar.  Multiple Kona qualifier 15 + times?  Whatever....
He can kick your ass and more importantly, he's not breaking the fashion law of wearing a kit.
Kudo's  Carmen  and I can kick your ass in the pool too.

At the weigh in:
Ladies... really, if you are carrying the donut poundage, your carrying the donut poundage. Nuff said.  It IS what it IS. Trying to hide your read out so others waiting in line can't see it or making a comment about how the scale is off,
Save. Your. Breath.  SAY IT WITH ME:  We Don't Care.  And you guys are just as bad.

If you feel the need to get almost naked and you look like this, by all means, lemme know ahead of time  so
I can oogle through my camera lens while looking professional.
The rest of you with beer bellies and hairy chests...  Please no.

Now lets get on with it....


Quincyceltic said...

One word...AWESOME

Jamie said...

Damn. Good on ya for owning up and jumping into 3 races. I'm just hoping to get some solid trainer time in soon and getting back into shape. I have no desire to race in extra poor shape in front of a ton of other people.